For some reason, the
media seem to be obsessed with all of the recent changes to the current White
House team. Sean Spicer and Reince Preibus are out and Sarah Huckabee Sanders
and Anthony Scaramucci are in. And now Scaramucci is out and General Kelly is
in.
What reporters and
commentators don’t seem to realize is that any large-scale musical production
will see frequent changes in cast members over the life of the show. And the
current smash hit playing at the White House
is no exception.
West Wing Story is the tale of a star-crossed self-lover named
Donald Trump and his ultimately unsuccessful and tragic attempt to marry his
one true love: himself.
The musical begins with
a threatened showdown between two Washington, D. C. gangs: the Donkeys and the Pachyderms.
The Pachyderms are in disarray and looking to boost their chances by enlisting
Donald and changing their name to the Trumps.
When
you’re a Trump,
You’re a Trump all the way
From
your first outright lie
To
your last lyin’ day.
When
you’re a Trump,
If
the stuff hits the fan,
You
got kids all around,
You’re a family man.
You’re never alone,
Your
loyalty’s expected.
Except if you fail
Then
you’ll be disconnected.
You
won’t be protected.
All seems well until
Donald falls in love with himself and threatens to violate the truce between
the Donkeys and the Pachyderms and bring the whole gang structure tumbling
down. Donald sings:
The
Donald…
The
most fantastic sound I ever heard:
The
Donald, The Donald, The Donald, The Donald….
All
the beautiful sounds of the world in a single word….
The Donald, The Donald, The Donald, The Donald….
The
Donald!
I’ve
just met a guy named The Donald,
And
suddenly that name
Will
never be the same
To
me.
The
Donald!
I’ve
just seen a guy named The Donald,
And
suddenly I’ve found
How
wonderful a sound
Can
be!
The
Donald!
Say
it loud and there’s lots of spinning,
Say
it louder and there’s plenty of winning.
The
Donald!
I’ll
never stop loving The Donald!
The
most beautiful sound I ever heard.
The
Donald.
Meanwhile, the Donkeys
struggle to recover from The Donald’s victory and regain the ethnic votes they
recently lost:
I
like to be in America!
OK by
me in America!
Healthcare be free in America
No
insurance fee in America!
Immigrants can in America!
Tax-the-rich
plan in America!
Bernie still ran in America!
No
Muslim ban in America!
But the Donkeys are no
match for the self-adoring Donald who, despite breaking all the rules, still
appeals to vast swaths of the electorate:
I
feel pretty,
Oh,
so pretty,
I
feel pretty and witty and in style!
And I
pity
Any
guy who hasn’t got my guile.
I
feel brilliant
Oh,
so brilliant,
It’s
resilient how brilliant I feel!
And
so pretty
That
I can’t believe I’m such a big deal.
See
the handsome guy in that mirror there:
Who
can that fantastic guy be?
Such
a handsome face,
Such
a handsome suit,
Such
a handsome weave,
Such
a handsome me!
I like
running
And
winning,
Feel
like lying and speaking profane.
For
it’s all to
Make
America great again.
In a tragic twist,
however, Donald’s own outlandish self-regard destroys his standing within the
ranks of the Pachyderms and he ultimately falls from grace but not before one
last plaintive plea:
There’s
a place for me,
Somewhere a place for me.
Pomp
and power and love so rare
Wait
for me
Somewhere.
There’s a crown for me,
Somehow a king to be.
Gilded scepter and golden throne,
Time
to rule, just me alone
Some
day!
There’s a place for me,
A
place in history.
If
for once I could shut my mouth
Decrease
my ceaseless tweeting enough.
Somehow,
Some
day,
Somewhere!
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