Monday, May 07, 2012

Dear Diary

“Obama was sexually warm, but emotionally cool, early girlfriend says”
- headline from The Globe & Mail - May 3, 2012

Entries from the diary of Genevieve Cook  reveal the details of Barack Obama’s first serious romantic relationship back in the early 1980s.  And now we’re also learning about Mr. Obama’s latest romantic entanglement from the diary entries of someone called the American People:

August 28, 2008
Dear Diary,
I think I’m in love.  His name is Barack and he appears to be everything I want in a man.  He says all the right things and - be still my heart - he actually listens to what I have to say.  I don’t want to get my hopes up but I think he could be the one.  Today I officially made him my number one candidate.

November 4, 2008
Well, dear diary, it finally happened.  Barack and I went all the way.  He’d been suggesting that we become intimate for months and I’d been resisting.  After all, there were other suitors and I wasn’t sure if I wanted that serious a commitment.  But he finally won me over with his sweet words and bold promises.

January 20, 2009
It’s been a crazy two months and my head’s just been spinning.  First I dumped my old boyfriend George and now Barack and I have finally decided to live together.  We’ve even made a four-year commitment.  No need to rush into things but if Barack is as great a guy as I think he is, then there could be wedding bells in the future.  How does eight years in a big white house sound, dear diary?

February 14, 2009
It was awfully sweet of Barack to get me a big present for our first Valentine’s Day but, dear diary, I’m a bit concerned.  All through our first months, he kept telling me that he was financially responsible but now it turns out he’s a bit of a spendthrift.  To the tune of one trillion dollars.  When I confronted him, he just said you have to spend money to make money and not to worry my pretty little head about it.

March 23, 2010
Dear Diary,
When we first started dating, Barack and I talked about having a family.  I expressed my concerns about hospital costs and he said not to worry, that he would make sure that we were secure and had full medical coverage.  Well, it turns out he wasn’t being completely honest with me.  That free healthcare we were going to get now seems to have a hefty price tag and he may not even provide it; we may have to buy it from some insurance company.

November 2, 2010
Dear Diary,
I guess the bloom is off the rose.  Maybe in that first blush of romantic love I expected too much.  Today I expressed my feelings in no uncertain terms.  I told him I was disappointed and decided to take control of the house.  I told him I wasn’t necessarily thinking of a divorce, that this was more like a trial separation and that we’d re-visit the situation in a couple of years.

May 3, 2011
Dear Diary,
It’s been a rough few months and I was continuing to have my doubts about us as a couple.  For months Barack has seemed distant and withdrawn.  He was letting people like John Boehner and Mitch McConnell push him around.  He no longer seemed to be that strong man I fell in love with.  But yesterday all that changed when I found out that he had given the orders to eliminate Osama bin Laden.  I have to admit that my heart skipped a beat and I actually swooned.

May 5, 2012
Dear Diary,
OK, so maybe every romance is like this.  After all, you can’t maintain that initial excitement forever.  Sure, Barack has his faults and maybe he doesn’t follow through on all his promises.  He said he’d get my family jobs and he hasn’t.  But he’s really not that bad and can I really do better?  There’s that rich, good looking guy Mitt who keeps calling but I don’t feel any magic between us.  I think I’ll just wait until November and decide then.