You Might Be A Republican

With apologies to Arnold Schwarzenegger and Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a Republican if.....

You think unilateralism is a complete foreign policy.

You like to dress up in military pilot’s gear and declare the end of major hostilities.

You consider "liberal" to be a four-letter word.

The phrase "compassionate conservative" doesn’t make you laugh.

You prefer to let Vice Presidents choose themselves.

You own more than one SUV.

You believe global warming is a communist plot.

You think Fox News really is fair and balanced.

You believe Ronald Reagan singlehandedly ended the Cold War.

You feel sorry for Martha Stewart and Ken Lay.

Going to war with no legitimate reason is OK with you.

You think tax cuts should only be for the rich.

You believe intellectual curiosity is a political handicap.

You think "chillin" is what martinis do in the fridge.

You prefer service-avoiding flyboys to decorated Vietnam war heros.

You consider "weapons of mass destruction-related activities" to be a meaningful expression.

You believe the social security surplus is a slush fund.

You’d like to see affirmative action restricted to legacy admissions to Ivy League schools.

You think Saddam Hussein and Osama bin Laden are first cousins.

You believe massive deficit spending makes for sound economic policy.

You hate anyone with the last name Clinton.

You think timely SEC filings of insider trading transactions are for losers.

You wish all Presidential elections could be decided by the Supreme Court.

The words "I’m sorry" are not in your vocabulary.

You believe God is an American.